2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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