We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
