i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
