you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize