so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
