I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize