as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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