Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
