The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
