And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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