I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so let's talk penis.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
