Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
