SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
