I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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