when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
