hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
