Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My vagina just clenched in fear
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