Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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