Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
