This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
