You're completely useless in the revolution.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
