Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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