how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
