Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm jealous of your bromance
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
