your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can I color on your dick again?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
