I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
