You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
