I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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