My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
