tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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