Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
