i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How does one acquire holy water?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
