The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
