Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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