Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i now understand why vodka
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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