Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The best revenge is premature balding
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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