I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pants are for mortals
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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