Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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