I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
