the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
