would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
