Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
