oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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