Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
