I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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