Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
