Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize