We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
