He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
