Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
