i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
