His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Text me some of your sweat
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
