Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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