Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
