I wish I could punch you in the face.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
