seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
