You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
