He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
