Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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