Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
being pregnant is like rehab
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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