He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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