I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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