She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
