maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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