I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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