i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
