Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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