doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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