Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
