is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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