i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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