i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
