If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
