Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
